these thoughts are not my own

they were put in my mind by aliens

my shit skins!glee fiction why i hate everything →

sapoosa:

I may have gotten kicked in the eye, glass in the ankle, and the world’s biggest bruise, but I also got to see Pete Wentz’ backside so 50/50? 

I got a bruise on my back! And Patrick is pretty! 50/50!

(Source: mayablanca)

blaineanderzon:

it’s about time someone in the public eye said this

bradleycoopr:

“There’s no record of him at all. Not even a photograph. He exists now, only in my memories.”

tourist: could you give us directions to Olive Garden?
new yorker: no, but i could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant lol
tourist: oh you think you're clever???
new yorker: what
tourist: i'm going to meet my dying neice and she happens to love olive garden so her whole family is going to eat with her so she'll have a few moments of happiness
new yorker: oh... oh i'm so sor
tourist: no shut the fuck up you piece of shit. i'll find it myself
the tourist drives off and the new yorker is left to think about his life choices and his decision to be a giant condescending asshole

fuckyeahgirlcrush:

In which Marina Diamandis continues to be a queen and shuts down body policing

FAVORITE PARKS & RECREATION MOMENTS: ONE (OR MORE) PER EPISODE

020. → 203, “Beauty Pageant”

APRIL: I’m going to do impressions.
EMCEE: Oh! Celebrity impressions! That’s… that’s wild. Wild stuff.
APRIL: Yep. Ummm… this is an impression of my sister. “Hi, I’m Natalie. I love Ritalin and have low self-esteem.” (One of the older judges starts cracking up.) Thank you. This is an impression of my boss, Leslie Knope. “Women should do everything! Check out my 4-color pen! Hey everybody, listen up while I talk about some really, really important stuff! Parks, parks, parks, parks, parks, parks, Michelle Obama, parks, gay penguins, parks, sugar, parks!”
LESLIE: She got me! She got me good.

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